There's an idea that I've been toying around with for a while. Basically, it's the concept of the difference between being single and not dating someone.
Not Dating Someone means it is not a choice. You haven't started dating yet. Or you don't want to not be dating. You're inhabiting a negative definition, where you are defined by what you are not. These are the people who aren't happy when they aren't dating someone.
Being Single is a choice. It's when you are at peace with not being in a relationship. Perhaps you revel in it. You enjoy going out without attachments and do not define yourself by your relationship status.
The struggle is to go from Not Dating Someone to Being Single. It's a process after every breakup. It's a situation that requires a baseline confidence in yourself and an honest belief that you are in a situation you chose (thus the inability to be single if you've never dated).
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I'd love to hear thoughts.
1 comment:
My dearest (and mostest perfectest) friend... :)
I think you have pointed out an important distinction between people who are happy with not being in a relationship and those who are seeking a relationship.
If the distinction between Not Dating Someone and Being Single is that a Single Person is at peace with his or her situation, then I think perhaps your definition of Not Dating Someone is too broad. Let me explain. I think it is very possible to NOT be in a relationship, WANT to be in a relationship, but still be very much at peace about your current relationship status.
I also think that someone who has not started dating can Be Single (by your definition). Those who have not experienced a relationship can still be very content in their relationship status and can be making a conscious CHOICE to remain single. In fact, I think it might be easier to remain at peace about singleness if in fact you HAVEN'T experienced a deep dating relationship, because, well, you don't really know what you're missing. At least, I found that after having my first serious boyfriend, I started wanting to date a lot more strongly than before and perhaps lost some of that contented Being Single feeling... :)
Question: does the person who is Being Single still WANT to be in a relationship? Or does this peace you speak of happen only when a person has made the conscious choice to remain single?
Because singleness is in many respects a two-way street... meaning... well, you have to find the right guy... ;) Right?
Thanks for sharing!
-Abi
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